Thoughts and Reflection

Okay, so right now, I'm reading The Thread That Runs So True by Jesse Stuart. I started on it Sophmore year, we were forced to start Lord of the Flies mid-book, and now I finally have the opportunity to read it again. Stuart is a great author: I can read half a section at a time (there are four or five; I'm reading three right now). In Part III, Chapter Eight, Mr. Stuart is speaking to Miss Kirsten, the teacher from New York, because she has brought her students' themes into his office:

"Poetry is in these people from your hills. Your hills, rivers trees, log shacks, crying waters, wild flowers, and little fields of grain... have put this poetry in them. But the language... I've never heard anything like it. It's not too soft. It's not harsh. For the first time in my life, I've heard people talk with rhythm. It's poetry."

When I first read this quote, I thought this woman was out of her mind. But then, realization took its toll. Stuart lived at the time of Old Appalachia: Coal mining, teaching, and agriculture were the people's only ways to make a living, music and dance were the foundation of a good time, and people fought for the opportunity to go to school (sometimes literally, in Jesse Stuart's case with Guy Hawkins in part one of the novel). I realized that this was the poetic heritage that Miss Kirsten spoke of.

I began to think about the isolation of this area and how it was somewhat exclusive. Because honestly, until the 1960s, Appalachia as a whole was completely ignored. My grandmother told me that where I'm living today was a completely different place. The old Appalachia seems so much more interesting. Even though I don't like my home, I'm still interested in the vast history of the area and I think that it's crazy how developed eastern Kentucky has become since after my mom was born.

This post is about boys. Ignore if you wish.

So, as of Thursday, September 17, 2009. I'm single again. In all honesty, I missed it more than I could ever imagine. I really don't think I'm ready for a relationship right now: I lack the maturity, time, and commitment that are involved in the woodwork of a romantic partnership.

It was fun while it lasted. But single life is the best. I thoroughly enjoy looking at cute boys and discussing the benefits of Catholic school boys versus public school boys (hugeee difference there). And did I mention how excited I am to have Mom's permission to stay the weekend in Evansville? [aka COLLEGE BOYS!] =D

I love being seventeen. It's grand, to say the least.

I only want to say...

"Friends go jogging at the track

Friends borrow money, never pay it back

Friends do not let friends do crack

Friends go out and grab a snack

Friends drink beer in the sun

Unlike girlfriends, they don't mind if you have more than one

Friends tell you when your fly's undone"

- "Friends," Flight of the Conchords

Can I just say right now that I absolutely adore my friends? Tonight, I had a conversation with someone over Skype and it made me realize how much I treasure these certain people in my life. I have no idea what I would do if I didn't have at least one person in my life who made me crack a smile every day (no matter what mood I'm in). I have friends who are immature, wise beyond their years, Floridian, proper-accented, funny, serious, tall, short, twig-like, muscular, friends who can kick my ass...

So in complete honesty, who the fuck cares about a few bitchy girls? I don't care how friendly we were in the past; I have more than enough people to replace them since they obviously aren't worthy of my time or attention.

Thank you, friends. I don't know what I would do without you. <3

I love Facebook fan pages.

I just found the most brilliant quote. It parallels my current situation:

"Do not let your deeds belie your words, lest when you speak in church someone may say to himself, 'Why do you not practice what you preach?'"
- St. Jerome

Thank you, Catholicism.

Hold me in your heart, 'cause you'll have mine forever.

"Hold me in your heart

'Cause you'll have mine forever...

Never feel alone

'Cause I'll always be with you"

- "Home" (from Piece)

MT09, I need you now more than ever.

Words cannot express how much I miss you. But distance cannot keep us apart, and time will never cease our bonds. Each and every one of you is very special to me and every time I see a picture from this summer, I can't help but smile and think of the memories: The laughs we shared, the songs we sang, the poles we moved. ;-) It really sucks that you're so far away. I wish I had my very best friends by my side every day. I need to start smiling again.

Someone gave me one of the greatest pieces of advice last night: "Listen to some good music, eat some good food, look and feel your best tomorrow... They can't break you down unless you let them. Stand strong, be new, be you." I think that from now on, I'm going to keep this advice in mind no matter where I am and who I'm with.

That was quite a show... but it's over now.

You put on quite a show

Really had me going

But now, it's time to go

Curtain's finally closing

That was quite a show

Very entertaining

But it's over now

Go on and take a bow

- "Take a Bow" (Rihanna)

Did you know that Catholic Christians were going to Hell? I didn't either. Thank you, Bible Thumper Society of America (BTSA) for informing me of this. I also had no idea that I act like a heathen through the week and confess on Sunday, and that I worship Mary, and that I wasn't Christian at all. Thank you for letting me know I'm such an awful person, **e**.I appreciate your ignorant misconceptions.

Do I really have nine more months left in this place? I can barely stand it. The BTSA truly crossed my line of tolerance yesterday; I have had enough of ignorant egotistical bitches who think they're better than me because they're "closer to God." Okay, so I curse. Big deal. Talk to my real friends - they say the same things I do (and, strangely enough, 3/4 of them are devout Christians - 3/4 of them being Protestant!). You also happen to know exactly what I have done in terms of "bases" and that you have crossed many more bases than I; yet, you see it fitting to proclaim I am a slut (and don't think I haven't blamed you for the Paintsville '09 male fiasco - I know full well you or one of your little minions were involved). You say that I am a bad person for talking about ****r* behind his back: You do the same thing. And you're not even angry with him! At least make sure you have a good reason to talk about someone. Telling Mrs. C***** about "what a bad person I am" reflects poorly on your character; I hear from many people about your comments and these same people share some of my opinions on your ignorance and ill-mannered personality. I have reasons to brag: Not only am I a state-recognized singer (by the Governor of the state, even!), but I am also a member of a very elite group of artists as well as a member of groups only intelligent people can be a part of.

You see, I actually strive to be a good person and I'm making something of myself - something it seems you have failed to do. Congratulations on being borderline society scum. I guess I'll see your lazy ass at Wal-Mart at the first of the month.

I wish it were May already...

Tonight is the first night since Sunday that I have the ability to go to bed before 12:30. I already don't get home until sometime between 8:30-10 Monday-Thursday and this week I've been working my ass off at school (high school, obvi - not college). In AP English, we debate over social issues and write thesis statements. In Pre-Cal, I'm struggling to keep an 85 and trying to understand everything (aka it's like Algebra II all over again). And in AP US History, we've been reviewing and studying for a unit test that we had this morning; needless to say, it did not kick my ass as hard as I assumed it would (I actually think I did pretty good!). Hopefully, it won't turn out like my first pre-cal quiz - a big ole F (I got a 6/20 on that'un - fml). I don't really like being so busy, but hey, it's a good change. =)

Speaking of school, I have come to the conclusion that I seriously cannot wait to graduate. I don't care if these are the "best years of my life"; I don't like most of my classmates, so why conform with popular opinion? I have a couple of "real" friends, but there is no way I would call any of them my "best friend" or even a "close friend." I mean, you wouldn't either if you knew the kids I lived with for three weeks this summer. As confident as I may seem sometimes, I still get a bit shaky at times. Like choir for instance. I really do not understand why the other kids support each other in choir, but when it comes to me, I don't get any support at all (except from Mrs. Conley - and she's kinda obliged to). I am SO happy about the possibility of auditioning for All-State in another district - I don't blend with anyone very well and that will hurt my chances of getting in. At NATS, I know I will be respected for the talent I do have and I'll have a much better chance of getting into the schools I'm applying to (I don't see the other HC seniors attempting to make something of themselves, so why waste my time being close friends with them?). Look, I'm sorry I'm not the second coming like **e** or Baby Beverly Sills like *a***. I'm sorry I hate country music and I'm sorry I know what I'm doing (you try taking voice lessons for ten years and see where it gets you). I'm very aware that no one truly likes me in honor choir and I seriously may back out of Nashville because of it. I can't afford to bring my mother along with me so why waste money on a trip I'm going to hate no matter what? It's extremely disrespectful and stupid to single out someone in this manner (then again, I am in eastern KY - who am I to complain about intelligence?). Ugh. I wish I had a friend sometimes. I miss GSA so bad right now that I've still been crying over it. I cannot wait to get out of here - I want all of this to change.